Some Funny Stuff

Dear Annie Pooh;


If anyone tries to give you any crap about turning 50, you can use some of these fine zingers in retort!


  • 50 Years Old today?  Yep, I’m Chronologically Gifted!


  • Aged like fine wine; complex and fruity


  • I’m not old.  I’m youthfully challenged


  • Getting old sucks.  However, it sure beats the alternative


  • 50???   I DEMAND A RECOUNT


  • Oh no, oh no, say it isn’t so . . .  Not the big 5 – 0!


  • Fifty Happens


  • I am now officially a charter member of the “Old Farts Hall of Fame”


  • I’m not 50; I’m 18 with 32 years’ experience!


  • I just can’t believe your 50 today; 49 maybe, but never 50!


  • Once you’re over the hill, you pick up speed


  • My own mortality will be the death of me yet


  • In dog years I’m long dead by now


  • My wild oats have turned to mush


  • I’m in no shape to exercise


  • Don’t interrupt me while I’m talking to myself


  • I’ll never lose my keys again; they’re always in the last place I left them, wherever that is!


  • Been there, done that.  Do I get a T-shirt?


  • Nifty Fifty.


  • Its only halftime.  Two more quarters to go!


  • I’ll be spontaneous when I get around to it.


  • I would enjoy waking if it weren’t for those long walks back


  • I used to jog five miles a day; then I found a shortcut


  • I get everything I set my mind to.  Now, where’d I set my mind?


  • I’m immortal . . . so far!


  • Caution, senior moment in progress


  • Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult


  • What if the hokey-pokey is really what it’s all about?


  • Hi-ho, hi-ho, it’s over the hill I go.


  • 50 years old today.   One owner, needs parts.  Make best offer.


  • I live in my own little world, but its okay because they all know me in there


  • You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me!


  • Better to be an old fart than a young shithead


  • Age is important only if you’re wine or cheese


  • Old age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill


  • Seen it all.  Done it all.  Can’t remember most of it.


  • Eat right, exercise regularly, die anyway.


  • The older I get the better I was


  • I’m on a 30 day diet.  So far, I’ve lost 15 days.


  • Of all my relatives, I like me the best


  • I don’t have a solution, but I really admire your problem


  • Don’t take life so seriously, it’s not permanent!


  • Don’t worry about avoiding temptation.  As you grow older, it will avoid you.


  • I am NOT in denial!


  • We were born naked, wet and hungry, then things get worse.




Dearest Annie Pooh:
As your older, wiser and more experienced mother and siblings (Tommy, Brian, Charles and Aileen) can attest to (Tony, you’re next) – we’ve discovered that growing older means that you’ll now have to change your shopping list a bit.   Here are some of the “essentials” that you’ll be need to consider purchasing from here on out – you know, since you’re an old fart now – just like the rest of us!  Welcome to our world.
 We can personally vouch for both the need and the quality of each product on the “old folks” shopping list:




  • Depends or other Adult diapers (hey, when you gotta go, you GOTTA GO!)





















  • Reactionary email replies and forwards in




















  • Glock 19 – protection in your car, or out on the town!


  • Colt 45 (not the beer!)  – Protection at work



  • Tons and tons of ammo!


You’re now a locked-and-loaded “Annie-grannie”