Some Funny Stuff

Dear Annie Pooh;

 

If anyone tries to give you any crap about turning 50, you can use some of these fine zingers in retort!

 

  • 50 Years Old today?  Yep, I’m Chronologically Gifted!

 

  • Aged like fine wine; complex and fruity

 

  • I’m not old.  I’m youthfully challenged

 

  • Getting old sucks.  However, it sure beats the alternative

 

  • 50???   I DEMAND A RECOUNT

 

  • Oh no, oh no, say it isn’t so . . .  Not the big 5 – 0!

 

  • Fifty Happens

 

  • I am now officially a charter member of the “Old Farts Hall of Fame”

 

  • I’m not 50; I’m 18 with 32 years’ experience!

 

  • I just can’t believe your 50 today; 49 maybe, but never 50!

 

  • Once you’re over the hill, you pick up speed

 

  • My own mortality will be the death of me yet

 

  • In dog years I’m long dead by now

 

  • My wild oats have turned to mush

 

  • I’m in no shape to exercise

 

  • Don’t interrupt me while I’m talking to myself

 

  • I’ll never lose my keys again; they’re always in the last place I left them, wherever that is!

 

  • Been there, done that.  Do I get a T-shirt?

 

  • Nifty Fifty.

 

  • Its only halftime.  Two more quarters to go!

 

  • I’ll be spontaneous when I get around to it.

 

  • I would enjoy waking if it weren’t for those long walks back

 

  • I used to jog five miles a day; then I found a shortcut

 

  • I get everything I set my mind to.  Now, where’d I set my mind?

 

  • I’m immortal . . . so far!

 

  • Caution, senior moment in progress

 

  • Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult

 

  • What if the hokey-pokey is really what it’s all about?

 

  • Hi-ho, hi-ho, it’s over the hill I go.

 

  • 50 years old today.   One owner, needs parts.  Make best offer.

 

  • I live in my own little world, but its okay because they all know me in there

 

  • You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me!

 

  • Better to be an old fart than a young shithead

 

  • Age is important only if you’re wine or cheese

 

  • Old age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill

 

  • Seen it all.  Done it all.  Can’t remember most of it.

 

  • Eat right, exercise regularly, die anyway.

 

  • The older I get the better I was

 

  • I’m on a 30 day diet.  So far, I’ve lost 15 days.

 

  • Of all my relatives, I like me the best

 

  • I don’t have a solution, but I really admire your problem

 

  • Don’t take life so seriously, it’s not permanent!

 

  • Don’t worry about avoiding temptation.  As you grow older, it will avoid you.

 

  • I am NOT in denial!

 

  • We were born naked, wet and hungry, then things get worse.

 

 

SHOPPING LISTS 

Dearest Annie Pooh:
As your older, wiser and more experienced mother and siblings (Tommy, Brian, Charles and Aileen) can attest to (Tony, you’re next) – we’ve discovered that growing older means that you’ll now have to change your shopping list a bit.   Here are some of the “essentials” that you’ll be need to consider purchasing from here on out – you know, since you’re an old fart now – just like the rest of us!  Welcome to our world.
 We can personally vouch for both the need and the quality of each product on the “old folks” shopping list:

 

 

 

  • Depends or other Adult diapers (hey, when you gotta go, you GOTTA GO!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Reactionary email replies and forwards in

    ALL CAPS AND BRIGHT RED COMIC SANS

    – CAN YOU HEAR ME YELLING NOW . . . ? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Glock 19 – protection in your car, or out on the town!

 

  • Colt 45 (not the beer!)  – Protection at work

 

 

  • Tons and tons of ammo!

 

You’re now a locked-and-loaded “Annie-grannie”